Summer!

Summer is almost over!  I had so many things that I wanted to do this summer.  I had a long list starting the last week of school to fill up two whole months, but hardly any of that is done.  As usual, my plans were quickly interrupted by everything else going on.  Mainly, Keragan getting her tonsils out.  She has snored since she was a baby, and is very restless at night.  She often got up 3-4 times per night.  This winter and spring I had the pleasure of sleeping in the same room as her a few times and quickly realized that we needed to be more concerned about her sleep quality.  We made an appointment and sure enough, she needed her tonsils out as they were so big that it was obstructing almost all air flow to the nose.  

The surgery itself was harder on me than her.  She usually has a lot of anxiety and fear for this kind of thing, but this time she was completely relaxed and in a good mood.  Even after the surgery coming home she was in a great mood.  That didn't last however, and she did have a rough couple of weeks.  The difference in her though is astounding! She is sleeping better, only getting up maybe once a night.  She is eating way better, which is good because she's still not back up to her pre-surgery weight.  I will always remember the day (about a week after her surgery) that she said, "mom, watch this!" and proceeded to take a deep breath through her nose with her mouth closed.  She had never been able to do that before!  It made me sad that we had never realized how badly she needed this. 

Keragan also started swimming lessons. Last year she was terrified and wouldn't go anywhere near the pool, but this year she wanted to take lessons.  She did pretty well but was really hesitant until after the surgery.  Again we realized that she always had to have her mouth open to breathe, which made it hard to swim.  after her surgery she as a different swimmer and has been doing great! 

 

So that took up the majority of July.  We were able to spend some time with family, and also took a mini-vacation in June to Idlewild (a little kid amusement and water park) and a vacation at Lake Erie at the end of July.  

We still have baby P, who isn't a baby anymore.  It still seems like he's here long term.  He's doing better in a lot of ways but still has some pretty major trust issues.  It's been difficult to leave him with a babysitter or even in childcare.  

Jia is also still here.  She brings lots of laughs to our house, and others.  She's a sassy one and it's had to discipline her sometimes.  She started gymnastics this summer and she has loved it.  

We have court for both kids in September, but it seems like nothing will change.  We've been so disheartened with the system.  People ask us about fostering all the time, and I always tell people that the kids aren't an issue, it's the system and how it affects the kids.  It's frustrating that they give these parents 3 years to get their acts together and in the meantime the kids get pushed around, told all kinds of things, promised things by birth parents who can't follow through and subjected to things they shouldn't see or hear.  Ugh.

Our next big adventure is moving.  We're currently working to put our house on the market and find a new one in a better school district.  It's daunting thinking about all the cleaning and showings and then possibly having to scramble to settle for a house because of timing.  Hopefully it'll be perfect timing and everything will go smoothly!

Birthdays and beaches!

It's been another whirlwind couple of months.  Once again we've had a hundred things happen, yet nothing has really changed.  Back in February we thought Baby P was leaving to go live with a relative.  We had his bags packed and everything ready to go when my grandfather passed away.  His funeral was the day P was supposed to leave, so I called to ask if he could leave a day early to allow us to attend the funeral and not have to find care for him, only to find out that the relative backed out and they weren't sure if he was leaving. Two days later we found out he is here long term.  It was a difficult realization... Not continuing to care for him, but to prepare yourself to say goodbye so finally and then go back to the mindset of him staying.  In the middle of that we got a call that Jia's baby brother who was living with a relative was removed and they wanted us to take him.  Children's services always aims to keep siblings together, so they really pressured us.  We were already overwhelmed with everything happening with P and leaving for the funeral.  We said no, however, despite the pressure.  I know other people can handle that many young kids (3 years, 1 year, 9 months, 7 months). However we've learned our limits, especially without local support.  We don't have a grandma or aunt living down the street who can come watch a kid or two while I take another kid or two to the doctor.  It's frustrating that it's more important to keep two half-siblings together who don't know each other than to make sure all of the kids are in homes where they can get the care and attention they need.  But that's the system!  They've gone as far to threaten removing Jia to move her with her brother, however I'm praying that they're bluffing.  All along I've told them that if P leaves we will take her brother, but it doesn't look he's leaving any time soon.  Court is in May, and the county is looking to terminate parental rights.  While there are still many twists and turns to come, that'll be a pretty major step if it happens.

March was crazy busy with birthdays and vacations.  Keragan's birthday was first (rainbow party) and Jia's Frozen birthday was the following week.  I have great memories of my birthday parties growing up, and I want my kids to have the same great memories!

 

  At the end of the month we went to South Carolina and visited the beach!  It was Keragan's third time, but definitely the first time she really embraced it!  She enjoyed the water and the sand did not want to leave.  Jia also enjoyed the beach as it was her first time seeing the ocean.  She was sick for some of the time but still had a great time.  She's the best little sick girl you can imagine!  She was a trooper!

Baby P didn't come with us, simply because he wouldn't remember it and it would have been difficult.  He would've hated being stuck in the car for two full days and even on the beach we would've had to really watch him.  Not to mention the non-babyproofed house!

So now we're counting down the days til school is out and trying to get caught up on house cleaning, organizing, scrapbooks, etc.  Who knows what is just around the corner?!

 The holidays were a whirlwind of family, traveling and changing plans.  Looking back now it seems like a lifetime ago!  We knew we would have Jia with us, but thought that baby P was leaving before Thanksgiving.  That changed at the last minute and we were told we'd have him until right before Christmas.  Then right before Christmas it changed to a long term placement, only to change back the next week for him to leave in January.  Currently he's scheduled to leave in the next two weeks, but we'll see!  You have to love the unpredictability!  We made it work though, and we all enjoyed spending time with family and friends.  

Baby P has adjusted fairly well, but still struggles a lot.  Over Christmas he began sleeping through the night, which has been a huge relief for us.  He's only eight months old but is already walking around holding onto things and is ready to take off walking at any minute.  He loves the girls so much and always wants to play with them.  Sometimes he's welcomed and other times not. :)  He still has major trust issues and is extremely needy, but he's definitely made progress. We've had him for over half of his life, but it has amazed me the damage that can be done in a few months in a newborn.  The plan is for him to live with relatives, so hopefully we've gotten him to a point where he'll give them a chance to prove to him that they are trustworthy.  

Jia has been with us now for 21 months. That's a long placement, and it looks like we'll have her for at least a few more months.  It's a frustrating case that just keeps getting pushed off and delayed. She is a ball of energy and joy and constantly makes us laugh.  She will be 2 in March, but she's already talking in sentences (more like paragraphs).  She's a feisty one and will try to boss around anyone who will listen.  She's insanely protective of Baby P, yelling at anyone who comes close or talks to him.  

Keragan still loves school.  She's a proud big sister and a great helper when she wants to be.  :)  She is more girly right now than I have ever been in my entire life.  She only wants to wear dresses, is concerned that her plate and utensils match her outfit, and is obsessed with jewels.  Her current obsession is her rainbow birthday party, coming up next month.  She wants rainbow presents with  rainbows inside and out.  

I'm looking forward to vacation coming up in March.  We got a beach house, and even though it won't be warm enough to go swimming, I'm looking forward to relaxing.  Hopefully that happens with the kids present. :)

Challenges

Each placement has its own challenges, and you never know what those challenges will be until the child comes into your home.  And more challenges appear two weeks later, and two months later and probably two years later.  I probably mention it often, but I'm not a go-with-the-flow person, so this has been my biggest challenge in fostering: the unknown.

We've now had baby P for seven weeks. It's been a rough transition for everyone, but we are making progress.  He is a very demanding baby and it has taken its toll on me, as well as the two girls.  The girls are great, though, always helping me cheer him up or giving him his pacifier.  

As I said, we have made progress.  He's mostly on a schedule now, his injuries are healed and he definitely feels safe with us, which is huge for him.  But there are still so many unknowns.  What seems to work today may not work tomorrow to get him to sleep longer than 15 minutes at a time.  

The girls are in their own phases, too.  My sweet little Jia is in destruction mode, making messes everywhere and driving Keragan crazy.  Keragan loves school and cries every day when she has to leave.  

We're hanging in there... Figuring out how to live on little sleep, especially while fighting colds.  Also trying to figure out what baby P needs, and how to balance those needs with the girls' needs.  And trying to get excited about the holiday season coming up! 

 

Peace

It's been so freeing only having two kids.  We can go places that we weren't able to before, I can leave the kids with Troy when I go shopping without feeling guilty, and I can hold both of their hands in public and not worry about one running off.  So when our agency kept asking about us taking another kid, I had mixed feelings.  The convenience was nice, but is that why we're doing this?  Having three kids last winter and spring was really difficult for me... I was often exhausted and frustrated and it made me question myself on a lot of things.  Am I only able to handle two kids?  Or was it a combination of the personalities?  Or was it just the ages of the three kids were too close together and young?  I'm still not sure if the answer and it scares me to find out by trial and error.  But here we are... With a new baby! Troy and I had been talking about it and decided we were going to be very selective with the child we accepted.  I'm still not sure what that means, but we got our first call on Monday afternoon and now have a little boy!  He's four months old and has had a pretty rough life so far.  When I picked him up he had just been released from the hospital with multiple fractures and bruises consistent with abuse.  Reading the file was heart breaking, as well as terrifying.  We have to be extremely careful with his little body, although they think that he'll heal quickly.  It's just devastating that he had to go through that.  He's been a pretty good baby all things considered.  

Keragan and Jia have been very excited to have him here.  Keragan has been a big helper and loves showing people and telling people about her baby brother.  Jia loves to entertain him and he loves to laugh at her silliness and infectious joy.  It's been a crazy few days of figuring out schedules and appointments, but I feel pretty good about where we're at.  

School is also back in session, so Troy and Keragan have been settling into their new routines.  Keragan loves her class and her teacher and wants to carry her backpack everywhere so she's ready for school.  Jia cries each day when we drop her off, as she wants to go too.  The two of them have become best friends and I love seeing them be so close.

I'm still not completely sure what to expect with Jia's case, but I'm being told that she'll be here at least through the end of the year.  We love having her and want her to stay but it's also harder thinking about her leaving the longer she stays.  Especially for Keragan who doesn't remember a time when Jia didn't live with us.  So we do what we can and enjoy having her in our family while she's here!

Please pray for our little boy to heal quickly and completely, both physically and emotionally.  Also pray for us as we figure out the new dynamics and schedules!

The Call

We didn't get the baby.  We thought we were going to, had everything ready and were waiting for the call on the day he was released from the hospital, but the call never came.  Two days later we found out that a relative came forward, got custody of him, and now wants Jia.  Talk about your world being turned upside down.  She's been with us for 15 months and we didn't see any chance of her leaving in the near future.  Three days before that mom had said there were no relatives who could take the kids, and then out of the blue someone shows up.  To be honest, I panicked.  With S, she was gone a lot of weekends and we always knew she was leaving at some point.  And she went to a good home where I believe she will thrive.  But the thought of Jia leaving is harder for me.  Especially so suddenly.  We had court this past week, less than a week after finding out about the relative, and our caseworker was preparing us for the chance that she would be leaving that say.  Thankfully court was continued for the third consecutive month and nothing came of it.
This has been a frustrating case for us.  The key people who should be involved and actively advocating for Jia haven't been around.  Getting information has been extremely difficult.  And it's frustrating because she deserves better.  We'll find out more in the next couple of weeks about her future with us, but it's hard to just sit back idly.
We're also back to taking calls about other children.  We decided that we are only considering babies six months or under because of the age differences with Jia and Keragan.  Part of me is enjoying just having two kids, so we're being extremely picky about bringing a new child into our house for now.  But who knows when we'll get the right call!

Pink

And then there were two... S officially moved out three weeks ago.  We agreed to babysit her during the days for two weeks, so it's been less than a week since she's been completely gone.  It happened at such a crazy time that it is just now starting to sink in that she's gone.  But I think she's where she's supposed to be, so we just have to trust that God's watching over her.
This summer is flying by!  I can't believe it's almost August and school will be starting in no time.  We're packing in all the fun stuff we can... Zoo, parks, water parks, fairs, etc.  Last week was our church's VBS which took a lot of time.  Keragan and Jia haven't really even asked about S. Probably because we've been so busy.  But it's interesting to see how they're personalities have changed in the short time she's been gone.  Jia has really come out of her shell and  Keragan has settled down and become more of a helper.
Two kids is so much calmer than three. We feel like we can do so much more because we're not outnumbered.  And we've been able to give each other some time by ourselves that has been severely lacking in the past year.  And we're even looking at having a date night next week!  It'll be only the second one this year...
Our plan was to take a few weeks of being a family of four to adjust and regroup and do some fun things.  Was.  Until yesterday when we got the call that Jia's mom had a baby and asking if we would take him.  We knew she was pregnant, but we didn't think we could take the baby while also having S.  Four kids under three would have been insane.  But with S moving out, it feels like maybe this is what we're supposed to do.  He's still in the hospital with some medical issues, but pray for us as we make the decision of whether or not to take the placement.
I was going through the girls shoes for this fall and winter, and it was amazing to see that almost all of them were pink.  I'm not sure why I'm surprised, I wash a load of all pink laundry every week.  With three girls, our house is pretty much pink.  A few times I've joked with Troy that if we ever foster a little boy he'd be wearing dresses and playing with dolls... Poor kid!
We're having a lot of fun in this stage, though. Jia is talking which is cute and also a little freeing that she can tell you what she wants.  Keragan also makes us laugh frequently with her questions and statements. It's especially fun to figure out what she's talking about.  The other day she said she wanted to go to the farmer place.  After guessing the zoo, pet store and someone's house, we finally figured out it was McDonalds.., you know, Old McDonald had a farm!  Come on, mom!!  I also dressed up one night wearing a white shirt that had some lace.  She got all excited and asked if I was getting married.  I asked why she thought that, and she said I was wearing my marrying shirt.  Silly girl.  We love her, and she's obsessed with being a big helper.  Hopefully that continues.
We're torn about the placement.  We had some rough times this past year having three kids so young and all within two years of each other.  It seems like having them spaced should be easier, but I'm still nervous.  It's nice to keep the siblings together, but I want to make sure that the two kids we already have are getting the attention and focus that they need.  Can I do that with a new baby in the house? Lots to think about...