Since we started looking into adoption (before Keragan), we did a lot of research. Meaning, we talked to a ton of people who had fostered, foster to adopt, and adopted privately. And so much of what we heard came back to "The System." In fact, that was why we went with a private adoption with Keragan. But here we are, fostering, and dealing with The System. And we're still learning what all that entails. I'll probably never really get a handle on it.
Today during Baby J's visitation, her mom expressed a lot of frustration at her caseworker and how slowly things are happening right now. Or not happening. Of course we're only hearing her side, but she shows up every week to visitation, is (supposedly) working toward all of her goals, yet she can only get one hour per week to visit. On the other hand, baby S's parents are admitted drug addicts, haven't had her since birth, have done nothing toward their goals, sometimes show for visits, and they get 2 hours per week. Not that they use them. The difference? The caseworker. I tend to be a black and white person, and prefer clearly defined structures. I knew going into this that I'd have to relax and go with the flow on all of the gray areas, but it honestly is so hard for me to understand how subjective The System is. Based on your luck of the draw with Caseworkers, you get completely different experiences.
When we talk to people now about fostering, the number one thing I hear is, "How do you do it? I could never handle giving the kids back." Well, honestly we don't know because we haven't done that part yet. When we got baby J, the paperwork said 1-3 months. I did a pretty good job of reminding myself that she would be going back soon, so although I adore her, I mostly kept in mind that it was temporary. However, we're nearing the end of 3 months and mom just told us today that she doesn't have another court date until next year, and apparently the classes she needs to complete last 25 weeks. We never hear anything from the caseworker, so this may not be completely accurate, but it threw me for a loop and I really had to work at pushing away that little feeling of 'maybe we can adopt her!' It's such a thin line between loving these kids and treating them like your own and not getting too attached. I knew that would be my big issue, but I'm already seeing how much harder it's going to be than I realized.
So I've been reading with interest, but not commenting :) I just have one word of advice : without knowing how your agency works with the county, one thing that we have found to be the most helpful is to attend every possible court date. It's a lot of time off work, but we find out more information at court than nearly any other place. It keeps you really updated on the case. In Clark county, the case is reviewed by a judge or magistrate every 3 months. It might be helpful to figure out if Franklin county is the same!
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