Q & A

Whew... the traveling portion of our Christmas has come to an end, and I'm starting to get caught up on everything.  The past week was great, spending four days in Maryland with my family.  We usually only get a day or two, but we were able to have conversations with a lot of my family more than just the usual "Hey, how's it going?"  We even got to spend a day with my brother in Frederick, which was way overdue.

In the course of our travels over the last month we've been asked a lot of questions about the adoption.  I realized that others may have similar questions, so here's a quick Q & A.

Q: How old is the child you'll be adopting?
A: We'll get an infant straight from the hospital.  We did consider adopting older children (there is a greater need for adoption of older children), however we want the experience of having a baby from day one.  Should we adopt again we would definitely consider adopting an older child.

Q: Do you know if it'll be a boy or girl?  Do you have a preference?
A: We do not know if it'll be a boy or girl, and we have no preference.  However, I really wish I did know, because it's driving me crazy to buy everything yellow and green!  :)

Q: Are you adopting privately or through the state?
A: Privately, through a Christian agency in Ohio.  I did talk to a social worker with the state, but she told me that new foster parents generally only get foster kids ages 4 and older, and they are rarely able to be adopted.  Several people we know have adopted through this agency and had good experiences.

Q: Can the birth mother change her mind and take the baby back?
A: In Ohio, the birth mother has 72 hours after the baby is born and the agency is contacted to change her mind.  After the 72 hours, if she signs her rights away, it's permanent.  Once the baby is placed in our custody, we'll have monthly visits from a social worker for the first six months, and then the adoption will be finalized.

Q: How do you choose your baby?
A: We actually don't choose the baby, the birth mother chooses us.  We put together a profile of pictures and narratives for our agency, and they circulate it to potential birth mothers.  The birth mother chooses the family she feels would be the best fit for her family.  Should we be chosen, the agency would contact us and tell us the background of the baby and birth mother, and we would agree to take the baby.

Q: When will you get the baby?
A: See above.  We essentially have to wait until we're chosen by a birth mother.  A birth mother could choose us tomorrow, or we may not be chosen until next year.  We are currently number 41 on the list (we started at number 56 about 8 weeks ago), but again, that doesn't necessarily dictate the order that families receive babies, just the order in which birth mothers view the profiles.

Q: How much does it cost to adopt a baby?
A: It's expensive... we'll leave it at that.  I was always under the impression that there were so many babies out there waiting to be adopted, and therefore I thought it wouldn't be so expensive.  However, with all of the legal paperwork that has to be done, the advertising for the agency to attract the birth mothers, medical expenses for the birth mother, etc, it really adds up.

Q: How are you planning on paying for the adoption?
A: I'm so glad you asked!  :)  We did have money saved up, however a lot of that money was spent on fertility treatments that didn't work.  We do have some savings, and we've applied for several grants through non-profits.  As you've probably seen or heard, I did several fundraisers selling pumpkin rolls and Christmas candies and cookies.  We're looking at doing another fundraiser or two, but not for a month or so... I'm still a little tired from the last month.

Q: How can I help?
A: Lots of ways!

• Pray for us.  Pray for the baby that will be joining our family, and for us to be prepared for the baby.  And definitely for the birth mother, as it'll be a very rough time for her.  
• Keep your ears open.  If you hear of someone who is considering giving up their child for adoption, feel free to tell them about us.  Let me know, and I can send you a copy of our profile for them to look at.
• Financially - we're currently selling puzzle pieces to our adoption puzzle to raise money.  For every $10 someone donates, we write their name on the back of a puzzle piece.  Once the puzzle is completed, we'll frame it and hang it in the nursery to be a constant reminder of the people who supported us in our adoption.  Contact me for more information, or use the Donate button to the right to donate via paypal.

There are plenty of other questions, and we're very open about the adoption, so please feel free to contact us if you have any other questions or comments!