Sleep

It's funny, isn't it, how much adults want sleep and how little toddlers want?  We've been battling sleep issues with Keragan for the past month, and we are exhausted.  She's always been a great sleeper (excluding a week here or a week there), but it seems like when she turned 3 everything changed.  My good sleeper is now fighting bed time for several hours some nights and waking every morning at 3.  My good eater is suddenly super picky about everything.  And it's not even consistent!  Her favorite food one day creates a tantrum the next. And everything is SO dramatic.  I feel like she turned into a teenager instead of 3!  I'm sitting here on the floor next to her bed after 2 hours of screaming, talkings and spankings, finally giving in so that the rest of the house can sleep.  It's frustrating, but you know what's even more frustrating? A 3 year old AND two 1 year olds screaming and fighting sleep.

Most houses have a monster or a bogeyman, but Keragan has bears. She is terrified that bears are going to come eat her.  We started with telling her there are no bears, but of course there are.  So now we are sending them back to their cave, locking them up in their cages and praying that God keeps them in their cage and protects us.  But she's STILL scared.  We've tried night lights (she currently has three), running a fan to block out the noises, leaving the door open, looking out the window to see that the bears are gone (but they're hiding).   The only thing that seems to work is us staying in her room until she falls asleep.  Some nights that's simple, but others (like tonight) are awful. 

Other than sleep deprivation, the year is moving along!  Somehow a lot has happened with the babies, but nothing has really changed.  We have court coming up, one in May and the other in June.  In both cases, the county is filing for permanent custody of the kids (terminating parental rights).  None of the parents have really done anything to dispute this, but they will, leading to long, drawn out hearings that will last probably into next year.  It seems so long and drawn out for us, but we know a lot of other foster parents who didn't even reach this stage until a year or two from now.  So we'll sit back and continue to wait.  Baby S has a relative in the mix who has been asked again (she said no the first time) to take full custody, so that could change her situation.  If everything is successful with the PC (permanent custody), we'll be asked to consider adopting them next year.  It's a hard question to think about.  We came into this knowing that the goal is always reunification with family, but were attached to these girls. At the same time, the past year has been exhausting.  I've reached my breaking point so many times.  Do we want to have this situation (3 kids with less than 2 years between them) for the rest of our lives?  In the meantime we wait, not wanting to make plans because the system will screw them all up anyway, but constantly thinking of what ifs.