The First Scare

I got my first "scare" on Monday, when our social worker emailed me asking if I could call her.  She had some questions about a certain ethnicity, to see if we were open to a baby from that ethnicity.  What?!  We were told the average wait time is about a year.  We have only been listed for a few weeks, and although I don't like the wait, I have pretty much been planning on next summer/fall.  Yet, here we are getting THE call after being on the list for a few short weeks!?!?!?  Our profile must've been great!

Or not.  She was just updating our profile/preferences.  After I recovered from the crazy anticipation and then disappointment, I told the story to a co-worker and called it our "first scare."  But then I started thinking about it. What is scary about this?  Why would I see it as a scare?  I AM ready for this mentally.  I think I've been ready for a long time.  The excitement that I felt when I got that email is proof of that. Yet, there's still a part of me that panicked at the thought of everything else I need to do to get ready for this baby.

I did finally make the first purchase (a cute little yellow layette), and since then I've accumulated a nice little pile of miscellaneous items, but there's a lot more to do and a lot more to buy.  I'm a list person, and I have so many lists.  To do lists, to buy lists, even a to talk to list.  But that's where I'm stalling. I'm feeling overwhelmed, and instead of tackling the lists I just make more lists.  This "scare" might be just what I need to get my butt into gear and get some stuff done.