Changes

Happy Mother's Day!  Over the past six years, Mother's Day has changed a lot for me.  It went from being about my mom, to being hopeful and excited about becoming a mom, to frustration and devastation of not being able to be a mom, and finally about celebrating the opportunity to be a mom.  I have to say, the last is definitely my favorite, but each played an important part in my growth over the past six years.
And we're about to enter a new stage.  No, I'm not pregnant.  Troy and I knew pretty early on in our marriage that we wanted to adopt, so when our fertility issues surfaced, we took time to absorb the news and then we took the steps necessary to become adoptive parents.  We researched all of the options including private adoption, international adoption and foster to adopt, and made what we felt was the best choice for us.
Less than a year later, Keragan came into our lives through private adoption.  She is the best thing in our lives, and I can't imagine our life without her!  Her smiles are infectious, her hugs make my heart melt every time, and her excitement for life makes all of the emotions and heartache of those two years dealing with the infertility totally worth it.
We knew right away that we would adopt again, but wanted to focus on our little family for awhile.  Last year, as we started thinking about the process to adopt again through private adoption, we briefly thought about our other options.  We know a lot of families who have fostered, and several people asked me if we had considered fostering.  When we originally decided on private adoption, it was mostly because of me.  The emotions of the fertility issues had taken their toll on me, and I was terrified of getting a baby, only to have it taken away as soon as I got attached.  I felt like it would put us back on that roller coaster all over again.
However, since we adopted Keragan, fostering keeps coming up.  In all kinds of ways... through random people and good friends.  From movies and shows, to comments on the news.  I felt like all of those situations were God's way of poking at my heart, telling me to take a chance.  So after a year of avoiding and making excuses and looking for other options, I took a step of faith and started to talk to some of the local foster agencies.  The first few were discouraging, but we finally found an agency that we felt really fit our needs, and as of this week we are licensed foster parents!
I'm a mixture of terrified and excited.  I'm excited to grow our family, even temporarily, but I'm terrified to deal with the attachment and loss when they go back.  Of course we hope to adopt, however the state's goal is always reunification with the birth family.
So if you see us out and about with random kids, you know why.  :)  We welcome your prayers and support as we figure this out as we go.  I know it's not going to be easy, and I'm sure there'll be days where we wonder what in the world we were thinking, but there are kids out there who need stability, a positive influence, and most importantly love, and who am I to say I can't give it?  If I've learned anything this past year, it's not the "special" people who can do it, it's the willing ones.